Guten Tag

This week while bobbing and weaving through some computer glitches that made me view modern electronics with the same peaceful goodwill that I feel for toilet paper made of razor wire, I came across a note from the lovely Stacey over at Hippie Sounds who tagged me with this meme. The deal is: I have to state the rules: Tell seven random and/or interesting facts about myself and then run off to get five of my best friends to play; we’ll all put links to each other on our blogs and the rest is publishing history.

I don’t have five friends, but I know five folks who haven’t had time to add me to their “Do Not Disturb” list. So watch out--sometimes bloggers can be unruly when taken by surprise. I’m tagging Carolyn at Mama Needs a New Book Contract, Plaid at Weird Its, , The Bag Lady (who I was previously stalking for friendship before she finds out I tagged her) at Bag Lady's Blather, Melanie at What Am I Doing in Mexico?, and KODB at The Doggerel King, who dared me to tag him even though he has a better record at Intergalactic Alien Labrador sightings than he does at fulfilling tags. That said, here are my innermost secrets. Once you read them, consider yourself tagged. C'mon, give us a secret to two. We promise not to tell.

1. My family banned me from playing Monopoly because I still hold a grudge from1998 against someone I share a wedding anniversary with for refusing to lend me $500 when I landed on Park Place in the midst of a housing boom.

2. My house is situated in a bed of feline activity and I’m being held prisoner by a gang of rogue housecats. I gave in to their demands long ago, procuring gourmet treats and crunchies in the yellow bag. Then I let them out. And in. And out. . .

3. I was almost dismissed from kindergarten due to the unfortunate Red Crayon Incident. To this day snacktime with apple juice and graham crackers makes me confess to notorious crimes and implicate other children’s participation in sandbox time at recess.

4. I’m in love with Captain Jack Sparrow. There’s just something about a man with gold teeth and eyeliner that screams LOVE SLAVE!

5. I attract ultra-needy psycho whiner types like black pants attract random pieces of free-floating lint. Rest assured that I will not leave the grocery store without finding out if the cashier’s aunt’s next-door neighbor is going to have the baby and whether the father is the drive-through teller at Nick’s Bank ’n Tan or the bag boy at register 6.

6. I’m a part-time church secretary. That means that between 9 & 3, I’m the Head Angel in Charge. But at 3:01, don’t EVEN block the drive as I’m trying to leave.

7. I have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) which means I’m often distracted and forget to finish th