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Sunday, April 25, 2010

An Inspirational Birthday Message

10 Reasons Why I Hate My Sister

1. You always got all the boyfriends. On second thought, after unsuccessfully training two husbands, I’m not really envious of extra men in your life.

2. You got all the craft talent. But I’ve got enough hand-beaded jewelry to last me until I’m 375 years old, and you helped Ryan make a shoebox float for Carnivale that won first place in German class.

3. You got married and moved away. But you had a pack of kids that have been like sunshine on my flower garden for most of my days. (Okay, maybe flower garden is a bad analogy because all mine are dead, but you get the point.) Also, you have a daughter that gave me a glue gun. On purpose.

4. You got the rogue common sense gene in the family. As soon as I figure out why that’s important, I’m going to fire off a letter of complaint to the Management.

5. You started the tradition of taking Mr. Beason’s classes for high school English. But because you did, I already knew that half the class would fail when I walked in his door. Also I used what I learned there to ace the Advanced Placement test and exempt college freshman English.

6. You’re the sweet one. But then I had to be the funny one, and I sailed through school on the strength of humorous English compositions, and have collected a nice bit of pocket change from the same sort of thing telling about the trauma I suffered at the hands of my siblings. Also, my kids want to come live with you. Could I drop them off tomorrow morning?

7. You have grandchildren. Of course, when my kids are gone, I’ll still have two Labradors, a diva Dachshund, three cats and Captain Bill to take care of. Could I drop Bill off tomorrow morning, too?

8. You can do math in your head and I can’t. Come to think of it, I don’t really have a problem with this one.

9. You always win at monopoly. (See number 8.) But I'd rather shave my legs with a potato peeler than play Monopoly and because of unsportsmanlike conduct I've been served with a lifelong Monopoly Ban by the kids, so it goes to show that things always work out for the best.

10. You were born first. But Mama & Daddy were so tired by the time I came along, I got away with everything. And you talked mama into letting me wear hose when I was the only barelegged girl left in fifth grade. And you’ll always be older than me. Come to think of it, I don’t really mind having you around at all. (And I have a pair of pants that need hemming, and I broke my pink earrings, and I lost my new bracelet and . . .we need to have a craft night real soon!)



Carole Lee said...

Sisters are wonderful aren't they? This makes me believe I should write something similar for my sister, but unfortunately I'm up against a lot of resistance from her to do so. Recently, she told our mother, "It's not fair, mom. Louis is the artist, Carole is the singer . . . and I'm the oldest".

God love you for honoring you sis on her birthday.

Kirsten Lesko said...

"I'd rather shave my legs with a potato peeler." Simultaneously hilarious and cringe-worthy line.

As always, a very funny post.

Anne Skalitza (aka "stormie") said...

Here's to sisters! Great post (and made me laugh! :) )

Skyraven said...

Amy - I'll have to write my sister a list like this! If I can get her to giggle, I'll be a success. I have a few months to do this, her birthday isn't until November. lol I loved the "ban on Monopoly" as well as how you want to drop off everyone at her house except the pets! Great post Amy and a wonderful birthday tribute to your sister. Send her my wishes and good tidings!

Happie Taylor said...

Yes, I agree. This is a very nice post about sister's "LOVE". Oh, did I say love? LOL. This made me laugh. Indeed an inspirational birthday wishes. Cheers!

Dee. A. Mony said...

I have a sister too and I love/hate her just as much. But I know without a doubt I would not be able to live without her. Her birthday just passed and I had to tell her how much she inspires me every single day. Happy birthday to your sister.