In honor o' International Talk Like A Pirate Day, I decided to conduct me own little raid on the Weddin' o' th' Sentry, at some fancy hoity-toity lubber tavern callin' itself the Ritz Carlton. (I gots t' admit, I don't see what the big deal is, jus' cause they named it fer a cracker.) I was lookin' fer to catch the lovely wench AmyDoodle, cause she makes me laugh, and even a pirate cap'n needs t' laugh ever now and agin.
But when I got to the crumby place, I heard that the wench had absconded and was nowheres t' be found! I was a right mite miffed, lemme tell yez! I searched and I searched, and all I found was... her shoes. The purtiest little pair ‘o satin slippers you ever did see.
Well, me and th' lads (Bo and Sam, the first Labradors) was peerin' at th' sitchy-ashun, and we allowed as how the day might still be won. All we had t' do was figger out a way t' use th' shoes t' my own advantage.
But what can a pirate do with a pair o' size 8M Mootsies Tootsies? They don't fit a big manly pirate cap'n like meself....
They don't make much of a hat....
And, puttin' the lie t' Get Smart, yer can't use it like a tellyphone....
Me first Mate Bo can't be induced to wear 'em....
And the Beard Enhancement Technology jus' ain't ready yet.
Finally, I tried to eat one. But satin jus' makes me mouth dry....
But wait. A plan began t' be formin' in me head. A devious, cunnin' plan!
I'll give 'em away! Tha's right! We'll lure this Amy Doodle wench by
offerin' up 'er very own shoes -- a $50.00, er, $34.99,er, $29.98 value -- to a
lucky winner whose name will be drawn from my cap'n's hat by a random
lubber we'll pick up off th' beach.
So 'ere's yer chance! Jus' post a comment t' this here missive, or email
the wench herself a' firstname.lastname@example.org, fer a chance to get the
Note: Souvenir Ritz-Carlton Plastic Cup with Sissy-Girly Drink not included.
*Translation for non-booty speakers. You’ve read about them here on Mind Over Mullis. Now you can win the very shoes that attended, but did not get worn at the deluxe Ritz Carlton wedding. Worn for an hour, carried for an evening of dining and dancing! Just add a comment to this post or e-mail email@example.com. Hope you can walk a mile in my shoes—because I couldn’t walk at all!
Deadline: 11:59PM, September 30, 2010. Void where prohibited.