Bugging Out

School started this week.  I didn’t go.  I have a framed piece of paper hanging on my wall (sitting on the floor behind the door) that says I already went.

So why am I getting graded?

My email brings me lots of things. Some of them are surprises. Like coupons for someone named Bridget.

Or a progress report for someone else. Studying bugs. In Missouri.

Like we don’t have enough random insects to hide behind the visor and jump out at red lights here in South Carolina.

You can study bugs in college?  That sounds like one of those new-age majors, like The History of Star Trek or Implications of My Little Pony on World Weather Patterns.

I was an English major, so really it works out about the same.

I thought of writing back and offering to study Spider-Man, but apparently spiders don’t count.

Too many legs.  I thought it was just enough.

The body of the email looks like a midterm progress report, which is the sort of thing I’m likely to fail if we happen to get for life. 

And there’s a Pollinator Research Video, which sounds altogether too personal to show in school, even in an honors class. 

I’d probably fail anyway.  Once you get past 50, your Pollinator is not an On Demand service.

Another one of the things we’re being graded on is an insect collecting video.

I freaked out when an ant ran across my keyboard. 

I’m not expecting any progress.