The Twelve Steps (Give or Take a Few) of Retirement

1.     Everyone will perish without you

2.     Everyone won’t.

3.     You’ll die, simply die because they won’t.

4.     It will be okay.

5.     You sit on the porch to watch other people go to work.

6.     You sit on the porch because you’re not going to work.

7.     You decide to cook homemade meals from scratch every day.

8.     You rediscover the Crock Pot so you can go back to bed every day.

9.     You order Chinese takeout and wear something without stains to pick it up.

10.You order pizza delivery wearing your bathrobe.

11.You find yourself wearing work clothes as play clothes.

12.You order play clothes off the Internet.

13.You discover that takeout food has made the new clothes shrink.

14.You do a sit up.

15.You discover the danger in doing floor exercises and pull yourself up using a chair.

16.You decide that exercise is dangerous and could involve your health insurance.

17.You shouldn’t put yourself in danger because everyone will perish without you.