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Wednesday, October 31, 2012

How's Tricks?

The tough thing about Halloween when the kids get bigger is finding things for them to do.  Once they get past the age when you can pop a set of fuzzy ears on their heads, draw on some whiskers, and attach a duster to their behind for a tail, things get tricky. 

Like I told my oldest, “If you’re old enough to sue someone in small claims court for not giving you enough candy, you’re too old to trick or treat.”

“But Mom, fun size isn’t fun for everybody.”

“Once you have to shave, people don’t want you coming up on their porch at night with a bag.  They won’t give you candy.  They’ll give you the business end of a scarecrow.”

“Okay, we’ll find something else to do.  Say, do we have any toilet paper?”

It was either find them something to do or watch my grocery budget hanging from the Wilson’s tulip poplar.

The first year we went on a ghost walk.  For a fee, you can wander around downtown with an extraearthly escort who points out all the places the “in” ghost crowd hangs out.  We all had a great time, especially the kids who made bets among themselves as to who could scare me enough to wet my underpants in public.  They considered the evening a success.  I considered the evening on par with receiving an atomic wedgie and running a soaker hose up my pants leg.

The next year we took them to a nearby touristy spot for a downtown block party.  The highlight was a trip to the General Store where they each got to fill a bucket with candy which we paid for by the pound.  You can’t go by price, but I think Son One filled his bucket with diamonds and Son Two scooped up a bargain on petroleum futures.  We lived on Vienna sausages and Ramen noodles for the next six weeks.

This year I have a great idea.  I’m going to suggest a Halloween house party and show the kids my costume in advance.  As a 50 year old woman raised on biscuits and gravy, the most frightening outfit I could wear is a halter top and hip huggers. 

The scariest part is coming up with a plan for next year that will top this one. I’m thinking bicycle pants.