Click any letter for a look at my prize-winning essay from the Erma Bombeck Writing Competition. You don't even have to buy a vowel.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Beware (With apologies to Jenny Joseph)

(For my husband, Bill, who has a Very Important Birthday coming up)

When I am old I shall wear Speedos
With sandals and black socks
And a Hawaiian floweredy shirt.
I shall collect old electrical appliances
That no longer work and are missing buttons.
And keep spare screws and washers
In jelly jars on a shelf.

I shall wear striped shirts and plaid shorts together
With the waistband under my armpits
And an old felt hat
From 1947.

But for now I must hold down a job
And go to church
Even Sunday School
And buy milk by the gallon.

But maybe I should buy bicycle pants for now
So people who know me won’t be surprised
When suddenly I am old and start to wear Speedos.


Carolyn said...

Oh. My. Gosh.

This is pure literature.

You better keep this. I know it will be a classic.

Sera said...

Keep up the good work.