Today, with the lofty idea that as a secretary I should successfully complete office-type stuff at least occasionally, I dabbled in Accounts Payable, Receipt Filing, and Computer-Assisted Suicide. Maybe it was homicide. I just know that by the time I was through dealing with the electric company’s website, I had decided that the Patron Saint of web design is Dr. Kevorkian.
I wanted to report a burned out light in the parking lot. How hard can it be?
Insert picture of black cloud here.
I typed in the electric company’s website. I did the same thing a month or so ago, reported the problem and got an immediate call saying they would fix the problem. Since that time, the company has hired a professional to give their website a whole new look. It’s the look of a strongbox that no safecracker can open. If there is a real person left in that company, they’re hiding like white shoes in winter.
I pulled my keyboard closer to initiate negotiations, and made false promises that I’d read and understood the terms of agreement, the use and care instructions, and the U. S. Constitution. In actuality I’m a little sketchy on the Constitution although I’m fairly certain Prohibition has been repealed, and also that I have the right to stand in line for three hours to vote for somebody I don’t really like.
Computer: For your convenience we have redesigned our website for ease of use.
(What I know now: The term “For your convenience” is code for “Snooki will give makeup tips to the Ladies Bible Class before you will find a real person to help you.”)
Computer: Enter password.
Me: Last time I didn’t need a password.
Computer: (Monotonously) Enter password.
Me: Okay, but I’m making it up.
Computer: If you forgot your password press here. If you forgot your user name press here.
Me: (Typing furiously.) I have a name for you.
Computer: Invalid user name.
Me: (In boldface type.) How about this one?
Computer: If you forgot your. . .
Me: Shut up!
Computer: . . .password, press. . .
Me: (Pressing the big black button and watching the screen go black.) Bazinga!
The light just dawned. I'm going to be in the dark for a long time.