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Saturday, June 27, 2009

Dragons Ho!

“You’re a thief and a rogue.”

“I’m a people person!”

It’s kind of a glass half full discussion between species. The guys are playing Dungeons and Dragons with Bill Dear, a Dragon from way back.

One has lost an arm, one has been tenderized with a meat cleaver, and one has suffered a paper cut while filling out his character form. It doesn’t look good for propagation of the species. If Darwin’s theory is accurate, this planet is going to be populated by broadsword-wielding elves before I have grandchildren. Of course, if they look anything like Orlando Bloom’s Legolas in Lord of the Rings, I don’t have a problem with this plan.

So far it’s taken an hour to decide who’s who. The same thing happens every day with Hollywood royalty. If everybody there is two degrees from Kevin Bacon, these guys are all related to Mr. Ed, the talking horse. Here in the kitchen, I haven’t noticed anybody that’s liable to end up with a star on the Adventurer’s Walk of Fame.

One player gathers up all the dice and rolls. They hit the table and there’s more numbers scattered across the imitation woodgrain than on all the tombstones in a country graveyard. Everyone groans. Apparently the luck of the roll left our rogue out of the gene pool when it comes to strength. What we have is a tough guy that would lose in a street fight with Richard Simmons.

Another roll of the dice and the character has approximately the same IQ as a cabbage. I think the same thing happened with my Aunt Edna. She was always terribly sweet, but let’s just say the needle on her compass never pointed True North.

The characters are gathered around the table, eagerly poised on the edge of a great adventure.

I just hope they have a better compass than Aunt Edna or they'll never get out of the kitchen.


Anonymous said...

I can't play D&D. The violence always spills over into real life.

(and some people have the IQ of a cabbage before the game begins, which only causes problems when the numbers on the dice need to be counted)

Anonymous said...

Good all game night (or game day). I had mine last night. So far our GM has managed to reproduce, twice (in Real Life, don't want to go into the fantasy nether regions...eeewww), so score two for geeks.

Unknown said...

Wow, you have really been on a roll lately! (No pun intended, but I'll take what I can get.) A great post; I suspect I haven't pointed toward True North in quite some time.