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Friday, October 30, 2009


*One more in the Halloween Blog Carnival. Because I can.*

I read in the paper that a man tried to filch a ferret by carrying the creature out of the store concealed in his pants. From what I know about ferrets, that’s going out of the safety zone for a Halloween costume. Without too much bother, it could give a whole new meaning to the term “rip off.”

I’ll go all out in a race for the last macadamia nut cookie, especially if it’s generously decorated with white chocolate chips, but there are some forms of art I'd rather not suffer for. And while I’m a fan of creative Halloween costuming, I haven’t reached (or passed) the point in my life when I’m willing to take one in the naughty bits for the top prize at the party.

Forget your Freddie Krugers and your numerical Saw catalogue of characters. (This outfit was brought to you by the numbers 1-6, your local hardware store, and Roger Ebert with a big thumbs down.) What could be scarier that a man dancing up to your doorstep with a frightened ferret fighting for a breath of fresh air stuffed down one leg of your Halloween zombie pants?

Call me crazy, but a costume that could result in a row of itching stitches across your butterfly tattoo is going beyond the call of duty for Halloween. Some things aren’t worth going through for a fun size Snicker bar.

And while chances are good for winning a prize in the local costume contest, you have to consider the possibly that your pants could explode at an inconvenient time and attack the judges on a crazed candy rampage. Seems like any loot this guy gets, he’d have to stuff down his right leg to appease the beast within.

I think I’ll stick with the costume I have. I’m fifty years old and sport a body designed by Ben & Jerry. Shovel me into a pair of hip huggers and a belly shirt and I’ll send ferret boy running back to the pet store for reinforcements.

And Michael Jackson thought he had a Thriller night!


Nancy said...

I can hear your local authorities (Barney and Andy?)now, "Hey Ferret-Boy, keep that thing in your pants under control!"

As always, you make me laugh out loud.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

I've never had a ferret in my pants, but I'm always having to ferret around in my pants to get my pets comfortably arranged, if you get my drift. Talk about scary, especially in church or at a restaurant.

Leeuna said...

Maybe he should have taught the ferret to poke its head out and say "Trick-or-treat." Now that would have been a SCARY sight!

colbymarshall said...

AGH! Poor ferret...he likes to breathe. I did the Blue Fairy from Pinnochio for Halloween. Lots of glitter. It was a blast!