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Saturday, April 9, 2011

The Royal I in London

Ten Reasons Why I Should Be the BBC Correspondent to cover the British Royal Wedding.

1. I have a hat.

2. I have a son named William.

3. I could help with the reception. The Queen should not have to go her entire life without tasting my wings. I also cut the crust off sandwiches.

4. I sometimes drink tea, and once had a crumpet, which I ate incorrectly.

5. I can use the word blimey correctly in a sentence. ("Blimey!")

6. I am an expert on royalty, having often been described as a royal pain.

7. I have seen an entire episode of Dr. Who. I can also quote appropriate lines from Monty Python and the Holy Grail and am prepared to do so in an audition. (I will provide my own coconuts.)

8. I would fit right in overseas as long as I didn’t have to eat kidneys. Or anything the British describe as “pudding.”

9. Beside Camilla, I would look like Princess Diana. A Diana that had to shop in the petite chubby section and wear stretchy pants, but princess material nonetheless.

10. I own a tiara. (Target. $5.99)


Nancy said...

I know I repeat myself, but you SO rock the tiara. That alone should get you the job.

Anonymous said...

The coconuts are always important part of the audition.

But for the love of God (don't avert your eyes!) do NOT go to Camelot.

For it is a silly place....


Tara Tyler said...

Of course you should! where do we vote?

Unknown said...

Sounds like a plan to me! Although I have it on good authority that you'll need to quote from more than one Doctor Who episode to get in the country. ;)

Deb Claxton said...

You could inject some much needed humor into the proceedings. The Royals take themselves too seriously.