I don't pretend to know the mind of God, although I'm pretty sure He gets His laughs watching the Weather Channel. So while I watched the announced Rapture proceedings with a raised eyebrow this weekend, I couldn't help noticing that a few items around my house have gone missing. Even though I may be tempted to look suspiciously at possible suspects in my living room, I'd like to point out. . .
Ten Things at My House That May Have Been Raptured This Weekend:
1. My car keys.
2. The last two chocolate chip cookies. Also, the equivalent of a glass of milk.
3. My other shoe.
4. The dollar bill that was hidden in the junk drawer under the nail clippers.
5. The points of all my pencils.
6. The lid to the grape jelly.
7. My deposit slips.
8. My original Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas album.
9. The pliers I use to turn off the hot water.
10. The dog’s food—the bag is empty!
On second thought, cross number ten off the list. There is a suspicious trail of crumbs leading to someone's sleepy pillow beside the couch.
Laugh
Showing posts with label jelly. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jelly. Show all posts
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
On Fire for You
“What’s this?” The Captain tossed his hat and coat by the door and picked up a folded pink paper from the table.
“It’s Valentine’s Day. Cupid left it for you.”
“What’s that smell?” He wrinkled his nose.
“Maybe Cupid was having a bad day.”
“It smells like gasoline.”
“Well if Cupid didn’t have to pump her own gas, it might smell like meatloaf.”
“We’re having meatloaf? Did you put the little heart made out of catsup on the top?”
“We don’t have any catsup. I was going to the store when I ran out of gas. At the gas station the note fell out of my pocket and blew under a pickup truck. When I bent down to get it back, I spilled gas on it.”
“I’m sorry you had a bad day. Why don’t we go out?”
“Because we’re having meatloaf. It’s your favorite.”
“But we don’t have any catsup. What did you put on top?”
“Strawberry jelly.”
“Oh.”
“That’s all we had that was red.”
“Maybe I should read the note.”
“Well, I was kind of annoyed by the time I finished it.”
“I see.” He tossed the note in a bowl on the table and touched it with the lighter we keep handy for starting the grill.
Hungry flames and the smell of burning gas flared and then receded.
He grinned. “Hottest love note I ever got. Let’s go eat.”
“Can we take your car?”
“Okay,” he put his arm around me and grinned as he guided me toward the door.
“But we’ll have to stop for gas.”
“It’s Valentine’s Day. Cupid left it for you.”
“What’s that smell?” He wrinkled his nose.
“Maybe Cupid was having a bad day.”
“It smells like gasoline.”
“Well if Cupid didn’t have to pump her own gas, it might smell like meatloaf.”
“We’re having meatloaf? Did you put the little heart made out of catsup on the top?”
“We don’t have any catsup. I was going to the store when I ran out of gas. At the gas station the note fell out of my pocket and blew under a pickup truck. When I bent down to get it back, I spilled gas on it.”
“I’m sorry you had a bad day. Why don’t we go out?”
“Because we’re having meatloaf. It’s your favorite.”
“But we don’t have any catsup. What did you put on top?”
“Strawberry jelly.”
“Oh.”
“That’s all we had that was red.”
“Maybe I should read the note.”
“Well, I was kind of annoyed by the time I finished it.”
“I see.” He tossed the note in a bowl on the table and touched it with the lighter we keep handy for starting the grill.
Hungry flames and the smell of burning gas flared and then receded.
He grinned. “Hottest love note I ever got. Let’s go eat.”
“Can we take your car?”
“Okay,” he put his arm around me and grinned as he guided me toward the door.
“But we’ll have to stop for gas.”
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