Booty, Booty, Who's Got the Booty?

Arrrr! This be the Cap'n speakin'! So batten yer hatches and listen up!

It do seem thar be many a lissome wench wanting a piece of me booty. And even one or two what seemed to be manly sorts -- I do assume ye be wanting the shoes fer yer own women-folk, but that be none o' me business, after all.

The crew gathered in the Cap'n's cabin and wrote down the names on identical slips o' the finest sticky-note parchment.

I chose me most favoritest pirate hat fer the drawing...

And dropped the names in, very dramatic-like, as if they was so many pieces of eight...

I got me mate Bo to help with the drawing.

Unfortunately, the scallywag is a bit of a slobbererer...

O' course, he did have the sense to be ever so slightly embarrassed when I pointed this out to 'im.

So I called upon me other crew members and volunteered (by stint o' him drawing the short straw) the one called Son Two, the Claw Hand o' Doom...

A hush fell o'er the whole ship as the Claw Hand o' Doom fumbled with the itty-bitty pieces of parchment....

Finally, we have a winner. And that winner be....

Plaid Earthworm, also known as Beth Bartlett! Now that be a fine piratey wench name! Send Lady AmyDoodle yer mailing address (Facebook message, ashley1949@gmail.com, or a note in a bottle of rum), and we'll get the goods out to ye by the next postal dinghy!

Arrr.

Win the Cap'n's Booty!

Arrrgh! This be The Cap'n talkin'!

In honor o' International Talk Like A Pirate Day, I decided to conduct me own little raid on the Weddin' o' th' Sentry, at some fancy hoity-toity lubber tavern callin' itself the Ritz Carlton. (I gots t' admit, I don't see what the big deal is, jus' cause they named it fer a cracker.) I was lookin' fer to catch the lovely wench AmyDoodle, cause she makes me laugh, and even a pirate cap'n needs t' laugh ever now and agin.

But when I got to the crumby place, I heard that the wench had absconded and was nowheres t' be found! I was a right mite miffed, lemme tell yez! I searched and I searched, and all I found was... her shoes. The purtiest little pair ‘o satin slippers you ever did see.

Well, me and th' lads (Bo and Sam, the first Labradors) was peerin' at th' sitchy-ashun, and we allowed as how the day might still be won. All we had t' do was figger out a way t' use th' shoes t' my own advantage.

But what can a pirate do with a pair o' size 8M Mootsies Tootsies? They don't fit a big manly pirate cap'n like meself....

They don't make much of a hat....

And, puttin' the lie t' Get Smart, yer can't use it like a tellyphone....

Me first Mate Bo can't be induced to wear 'em....

And the Beard Enhancement Technology jus' ain't ready yet.

Finally, I tried to eat one. But satin jus' makes me mouth dry....

But wait. A plan began t' be formin' in me head. A devious, cunnin' plan!

I'll give 'em away! Tha's right! We'll lure this Amy Doodle wench by

offerin' up 'er very own shoes -- a $50.00, er, $34.99,er, $29.98 value -- to a

lucky winner whose name will be drawn from my cap'n's hat by a random

lubber we'll pick up off th' beach.

So 'ere's yer chance! Jus' post a comment t' this here missive, or email

the wench herself a' ashley1949@gmail.com, fer a chance to get the

cap'n's booty!*

Note: Souvenir Ritz-Carlton Plastic Cup with Sissy-Girly Drink not included.

*Translation for non-booty speakers. You’ve read about them here on Mind Over Mullis. Now you can win the very shoes that attended, but did not get worn at the deluxe Ritz Carlton wedding. Worn for an hour, carried for an evening of dining and dancing! Just add a comment to this post or e-mail ashley1949@gmail.com. Hope you can walk a mile in my shoes—because I couldn’t walk at all!

Deadline: 11:59PM, September 30, 2010. Void where prohibited.